Not a Clever Title

Decades ago...

2008-02-27T14:12:00.002+01:00

I see my last post was, well, a long time ago.

This whole posting to the blog thing got pretty tedious after moving to Damascus. Internet access there was unreasonable.

But who knows, in Kuwait, a land where at least some of the roads are paved, I might find the patience to once again resume my updates.

We shall see.

Crac de Chevaliers

2006-11-06T21:34:00.000+01:00

IMG_0550, originally uploaded by bartemeo-negro.

New photos from my trip to a crusader castle are up.

Employment

2006-10-27T21:14:00.000+02:00

IMG_0075, originally uploaded by bartemeo-negro.

For those of you who don't know yet, I found some work over here. I've got a friend who works for an NGO and their trying to open an office in Damascus. He knew I was here, so there you go. Right place, right time. It's the end of Ramadan, Eid, which is mainly a week long holiday, so nothing has gotten off the ground yet. I'll say more about it when there's something to tell. Right now, though, it's an offshoot from their work in Baghdad. There are a lot of refugees here from Iraq that the local gov isn't able to provide for. We'll be trying to help them find medical attention, access to shooling, job training, etc.

Also, more pics on my flickr page to come soon. I was in Aleppo a few days ago and I'm heading to Bosra tomorrow.

Note to self

2006-10-11T15:56:00.000+02:00

The bus system is actually quite complicated for such a small city. Usually, I try to save money (and occasionally time) and just walk, but some places are at least an hour's walk. That gets rather old on a regular basis.

So, today, I decided to attempt using one of the larger buses to make it across town in one go. This, I will never do again. It was remaneiscant of the Guatamalan Chickin Buses, but hotter. There was standing room only, but the driver kept stopping every 3 minutes to pick up more people. The jerky driving, heavy exhaust fumes, and crampped conditions weren't so bad until an elderly man began throwing up in the middle of everything. Fortunately, I was out of range, but I got off asap and walked the rest of the way.

Welcome to Damascus

2006-10-07T16:33:00.000+02:00

Welcome to Damascus, originally uploaded by bartemeo-negro.

So here I am in the oldest continuously inhabited city in the world. It was old when Abraham came through here much less Paul or Muhammad. So if you've seen the movie "Spy Games" that came out a few years ago, it looks a lot like that in the new city. Of course the old city doesn't, and there isn't any war damage. But as far as the style of buildings and the view from the top of one, etc.

20 million people live in Syria. 5-6 million live in Damascus which is probably only 10-15 miles in radius. Things are cozy... and smoggy. Streets are a 24-7 traffic jam in which lane markers would have been a suggestion if they were visible. If there's 2 feet between vehicles, the taxi behind will try to squeeze into it. Much of the cities substantial police force is relagated each day to enforcing traffic intersections and round-abouts. It seems all a bit too much at first, but you get use to it. Also, I'm not really sure if the word "seatbelt" exists in the Arabic language.

People are pretty nice here and surprisingly laid back. They don't speak much English outside of the Diplomatic and backpacker regions, but they are willing to help if you look helpless enough. But I"ve done well enough for myself getting around and buying food, etc.
Arabic is leaving me a bit befuddled for lack of the ability to memorize vocabulary in the arabic alphabet, but I'm getting there. It's only my 3rd week.

Throwing your garbage out is a little different here. In the States, we let it pile up in a big plastic bag under the sink and throw it into a dumpster or roll it out to the street corner in a big plastic trash can. Here, you tie it up in little plastic grocery bag and take it down stairs with you when you head out each morning. Then you just throw it on the sidewalk in front of the building and walk away. Later on, the street sweepers come by and pick everything up. My neighbor even throws his out the window from the third floor onto the sidewalk. It's all completely normal here.

There should be more photos to come to help all of ya'll get a better feel for where I'm living now. Getting to the old town where the only appropriate internet cafes are is a bit out of my way though. Postings may be intermitant.

Blow in Breezes

2006-07-23T06:04:00.000+02:00

Some high and quiet place where she rests

Slowly in her breath of summer light

The shining day may touch her hair

So careful her thoughts in the evening sun

Lest they open up and blow in breezes

She holds them closely, mosaics in her heart

But to be in the day glow; alive, so beautiful

Swinging weightless on ropes spindled in hope

A dancing heart, a brilliant sea of moments inside that old soul

It's actually in the works

2006-06-16T20:17:00.000+02:00

So the whole RSS feed/ para-blog/ writer's body of work thing is actually in the works now. I know I mentioned it before a long time ago, but work kind of put it on the back burner indefinately. Now I actually have time to work on it... I might get it done.

Post

2006-04-18T03:26:00.000+02:00

This is a post.

It is a new one. Not like the one before it. There are no pictures, no poems, and no clever discussions of mostly irrelevant subjects about which I am either misinformed or ignorant. In short there is no content, although comments are still welcome.

Anyone checking this blog on a regular basis is clinically insane or must be related to me. Or both.

So the two of you, turn off your computers and just call me instead!

2006-03-07T05:11:00.000+01:00

light, originally uploaded by bartemeo-negro.

Celestial

Out of dark brilliance of storm
Against the vengeance of hammered light
Blowing apart shimmer of black pearl, the glow of clouds
Silhouetted the coming of some glorious form

Beautiful, falling from the sky
Her fire trail of scars sparking the air
The curves of her descent, slow motion in my heart
The world must witness, is standing still, soundless in my sigh

Between the rain and thunder
The clash of sword on flesh, sin on soul
Separating, parting open, crashing through
Incoming fire broke the assaulting chaos asunder

Bittersweet, from the depths above
Burning out her sorrow, her fear
Screaming out her hot arc, a stroke of painted blood
Flames, a bursting daisy. Shine, stretching petals of her love.

She fell, she fell
A star broken from heaven
Falling light in drifting hue

Shine on, Shine on
One like an angel
She struck me deep, through and through

My Words

2006-01-28T02:00:00.000+01:00

I've been thinking about this blog thing. It's difficult to post on a regular basis. And even if you do, the tendency is to devolve into reports on the daily routine.

ie. Today, I went to the store. I ran into (input so-and-so's name) and we talked about (whatever). Then I had lunch at a new restaurant. Then I had to work late even though work was boring.

The other tendency (which I may be partial to) is to never post until you are irritated enough about something to go off on a long winded rant. It's not interesting and it doesn't benefit anyone, neither informing, nor encouraging.

ie. I really hate people who write stupid blogs! There should be a tax on poor grammar and small minds who write dumb things that waste my time!

I've often also been tempted to post some short stories, poetry and the like but felt it didn't really fit with the didactic mood of a blog. I made a small effort to add some creative aspect to it by linking my photos at flikr to the page, but then I may also be partial to being too lazy to upload photos to flikr.

So...

Here's the skinny. The page is under reconstruction. While posts on the main page will continue to be commentary (pointless or not) on day to day stuff, there will be a new section reserved for more... literary formats (ie. poetry, short stories, and treaties). The flickr link will continue although I have moved more towards writing than photography these days. With any small amount of discipline, I'll actually carry out these plans and have a half way meaningful outlet for my so-called creative tendencies. Or just to be annoying.

Johny Cash Was Before Our Time

2005-12-23T21:42:00.000+01:00

A friend of mine made a good post about Bono's Man of the Year Award.

It's funny how the only christians complain about Bono. They say he's a hypocrite or not really a christian at all because he is "clearly hedonistic". No one has ever been able to produce much in the way of concrete charges, but they've always heard that he was into bad stuff. You know... into drugs, or something of the sort.

It's absurd really. Talk about a prophet not welcome in his own home. Christians were shaking their finger at him when the rest of the world was stopping dead in their tracks to listen. It was his incredible music that made you stop, forced you to think about the hard questions. What's life really about? What's real beauty and where can I find it? Who is God and how do I relate to him, how do I know him?

A lot of christians said his lyrics didn't sync with their theology. This was mainly because they weren't listening and failed to understand them. It might be proposed that they also failed to really understand their own theology. Bono didn't look like Jesus because he drank, cussed and wore flashy clothes. He talked about real stuff too much and asked awkward questions. So most religious folks didn't bother getting around to listening to him. Maybe they don't really know what Jesus looks like anyway.

Billy Graham, a man most christians would consider to be a real christian role model, has had the honor of seeing thousands of souls come to Christ, but his ministry is one of reaping, not sowing. Bono is a sower. I'd be willing to bet that he's sown more seeds than Billy Graham has reaped souls. And into the most unfit, unfertile, and most hostile soil. Maybe he looks and acts too much like a normal man, together with all of the downfalls of a normal guy, to be a 'real christian'. But I bet Johny Cash would have understood him.

Despite making an entire post about him, I'm neither a Bono advocate nor nay-sayer. Bono can take care of Bono. I mainly get tired of listening to people who have a guilty conscience for doing nothing wine about Bono being in the press so much for humanitarian advocacy and action.

Employee of the Month (with the chevron of merit)

2005-12-15T20:45:00.000+01:00

fireball, originally uploaded by bartemeo-negro.

So today marked my first day on salary at my company. I suppose you could say it was my big "first day on the job". And what did I do on this most momentous of days? I blew up $3,700 worth of equipment.

Oops.

We have an entire set up of modules, power supplies, and cables to test our stock of old modules. Occasionally, some of them have shorts. Since they were designed I the stone age there isn't any fail safe on them to prevent damage. Usually shorts just results in lights and buttons not working on the module or some build up of heat. But for every couple of thousand modules tested, maybe one will give off some serious fireworks. It was jus my lucky day!

I plugged in said module with the immediate result of an explosion of sparks flying in my face. The power supply on the other side of the room to which I was connected also produced a large bang and began emitting a large cloud of acrid smoke. Every module and circuit in between met the same fate.

What gets me is that it should have happened to one of the techies, not me. I happened to have some free time and was just helping out in the lab. It wasn't user error, but just blind luck.

Well, at least I made a big impression.

Getting the bills paid.

2005-12-06T03:33:00.000+01:00

I accepted a job offer today with the company I've been contracting to since July. Its a good first "real job" and I'm happy to be working with the guys at Reddwerks Corp. Funny thing was that I had been pushing for it for a long time, and having finally got it, I had to stop and think about whether or not I was sure I wanted it.

There is a lot of gravity in a moment in life like this and it's easy to get caught up in it. It's even easier to get pulled into the momentum of the next big step. The next promotion, the next job, the next, the next... It makes one feel like he could wake up in twenty years in some place he never intended to go. Not that I'm not open to the unexpected, the unseen opportunities. I'm not so foolish as to believe that what I want now is what I'll want in twenty years. Still, when I come to that moment when I give up one direction for another, I want to be there, awake and choosing. "The way it's suppose to be done" isn't always the way it has to be done. And it would be a shame to allow convention and momentum to rob me of my choices.

you haven't been here for a while

2005-11-30T01:46:00.000+01:00

Yeah, I know. Funny how work sucks up all of your time and interest.

I finally got some rolls of film back. I'd left them in my buddy's backpack way back in June while we were trekking across the Caucasus. He found them only recently and mailed to me. Who knows what's on them. (I thought I was missing a few pictures!) Anyway, if I get time to develop them this week, I'll try to post a few.

Driving the Drill

2005-10-09T05:34:00.000+02:00

I'm not really looking forward to the next three weeks. I'm back in Fort Worth for three, maybe four weeks finishing up the install that we started a month ago. The change of pace is fun for a while, but living out of a hotel room and eating out every meal gets old really fast. You feel tired and just... unhealthy after even the first week.

But we will be installing our generation two stuff, complete with new and improved plastics. That'll be exciting to see in action. Ok, maybe not for anyone else, but it will be for those of us who put a little hard work and sweat into it. Also several dozen breakfast burritos, gallons upon gallons of coffee, some Dr. Peppers and too much free time were invested.

2005-10-07T04:52:00.000+02:00

We finally got a cold front! Relief from the summer heat is here.

Blessings

2005-09-30T16:12:00.000+02:00

Blessings, originally uploaded by bartemeo-negro.

I’d been listening for weeks about the disaster that Katrina left behind. It wasn’t that I was tired of hearing about it. I was tired of being impudent. You feel pretty ashamed when you sit down in front of the TV with your Chinese take-out food and it’s nothing but news clips of desperate people without homes scavenging for food or dead bodies floating by. I came home and my house was there. I had food. I even had a TV.

When Ron announced that there was a team going back to Mississippi, well I didn’t really have to choose. I was going. I had the means, the time, and maybe… the heart. Somewhere in the back of my mind I wondered, “Am I really doing this just to assuage that guilty feeling I have?”
I was slightly nervous about the week. Long trips with large groups, especially in close quarters, are difficult for me. I love people, but I get tired. Honestly, I seem to care less when I’m tired. Sometimes I worry if those are my true colors.
We tried to prepare as best we could, knowing that we’d probably bring mostly things we wouldn’t need, but we had to trust Jesus there. He would use us as He saw fit regardless of whatever trinkets we brought with us. We hit the road just about dawn on Thursday. I’d seen all the images of the search and rescue teams and secretly hoped we would do something as exciting as that. Really, that was silly. Weeks had passed and that phase was over. But I didn’t want to be just another “church group” who shows up thinking they’ll save the day and end up just taking a bunch of pictures of other people’s misery. Again I had to question myself. “Am I really just here for the adventure?”
The ride up was actually fun. Most of the other men were strangers to me, but there was a warmth and honesty between us as we talked away the long drive to Mississippi and we became friends. That was my first encouragement, my first peek at the big picture. These men were ready. Not because they were strong or experienced, but because Christ had set them aside for this purpose and they were readied with the Spirit of God.
The three days we spent cleaning out debris and cutting our way through fallen trees to get access to ruined houses was demanding. It was tiring. It seemed so inconsequential compared to the magnitude of the destruction that we couldn’t look away from because it was everywhere we looked. But I was encouraged even to the end of the day because I saw the conviction of the Spirit in every other man. I was beginning to see the bigger picture.
Mike and Wes told us on the last day about how Mike’s parents had decided to reconsider Christ in their lives after experiencing such devastation and having seen this group of men who love Jesus come and live in their home for three days. We heard about how others we had helped were grateful, amazed, and perplexed. I was elated. But I had to question myself again. “Did I come here just to win a medal for being a good Christian?” And then I saw the big picture… and we weren’t even in it.
The big picture was what God was doing. Just as I had known before that God would use the team regardless of what equipment we brought, I realized that the same was true regardless of our shortcomings and questionable motives. Regardless of us, His grace was sufficient. For me. For the team. For Mississippi. He uses men who, deep down inside, aren’t even really all that good. His grace was sufficient and the glory was all His. He was making that glory and he wanted me to see it, to be changed by it.
I thought about all of the reasons I might have come for, and I decided on this one. Christ is touching lives on the Gulf Coast of America. I had to be there to see it.
If you hear about our trip, I hope you don’t even remember who was on it. I hope you see what God did and is doing. I know you’ve heard about how the power of a hurricane can change lives forever. I hope you hear about how the power of Christ changes lives for eternity.

Delivery for a Mr. Mississippi?

2005-09-13T16:52:00.000+02:00

Ocean View, Mississippi

I'm heading out to Mississipi this weekend to help deliver some generators and supplies with a bunch of guys from my church. I'm not really sure what to expect, but I found some high resolution imagery of the area post-Katrina at the link above. The damage is impressive. The HWY 90 bridge between Biloxi and Ocean View is completely gone.

Further On

2005-09-08T06:00:00.000+02:00

Further On

and when the day was done
he spoke softly
his words filling the space before him
shutting out the noise
the useless things
all those who sought to rob him of time and life.

his words shut out the world and all of its confusion
as one closes one's eyes to pray.

-----------------------

Lindsey called me today from work. Her boss, Melanie, committed suicide yesterday. They told her when she got to work. She'd been all excited about getting her tickets to see the Dalai Lama speak and wanted to know if Melanie had gotten hers. Instead, she had to answer phone calls at the desk all day and inform those who called to speak to Melanie that they wouldn't be able to.

I cancelled my plans for the evening and spent it with her instead. We talked a lot about her boss, whom I had met, and their relationship. It leaves you with an empty feeling when some one makes a choice like that. There's a hole left behind by a living, breathing person you know that won't be there tomorrow, and everything feels out of rhythm.

I have to wonder at the hopelessness a person feels at such a point because it's something that I cannot imagine. All I've every known is that presence that I cannot explain and it has brought with it hope that does not fade. It's not something that was really explained to me on charts and graphs or something, it just always was. How do you communicate to a human something that wasn't communicated to you by a human? It's all a mystery so confounding to me and yet I feel as if we might have failed Melanie in that way. She never saw the mystery in it all. Forgive us Melanie.

2005-08-18T03:50:00.000+02:00

, originally uploaded by bartemeo-negro.

Learning more than I wanted

2005-08-12T05:40:00.000+02:00

I've had a job now for about two weeks. Most of the people are pretty cool to work with, and while the work isn't anything spectacular, it is varied and a bit challenging to juggle.

I guess when you're the new guy in any environment, you automatically assume that everybody else knows what they're doing. Maybe this is because you don't and you're not really sure what they're doing anyway. With time, you realize that this isn't always so. Then you just wished that you didn't know in the first place.

Everything isn't perfect with the new job, but I think I'll stick with it for a while anyway. My dad always said that you learn the most from your bad bosses. I think he's right because I've been learning a lot more than I wanted to in the past few days.

--Some new pictures to come of the road trip to Reno, Nevada--

Just a little nap

2005-07-26T22:29:00.000+02:00

Just a little nap, originally uploaded by bartemeo-negro.

I took a little trip up to Tulsa weekend before last with Beth. We hit this huge thunderstorm right at Dallas, but that gave us an excuse to stop and eat at Gloria's.

Charlie (or as Louis calls him, "Poop Factory") is a little cutie. Julie is doing fine being a new mother. Of course, I'm already fairly experienced at being an uncle, so no problems there.

I borrowed some camera equipment from a friend for the weekend and tried to take a few rolls of baby pictures for them, but none of them turned out, unfortunately. I had no idea what I was doing cause I'd never used any of it before. Oh well, at least I got a few digital ones. Hit the link to my Flickr page at the top of this page for more pics of him. (Charlie, not Louis.)

Supposedly off to see the wizard

2005-07-15T20:16:00.000+02:00

Well, we're aren't headed to Kansas, but I figured Oklahoma was close enough. Beth and I are off to Tulsa to see our new nephew, Charlie. Oh... I guess we'll say hi to his parents while we're there, too. There should be some baby pics soon on the their way. We're also stuffing a toilet into my trunk to bring with us. Did I mention how surreal my family gets? Beth just remodeled her bathroom and Julies wants the still-good hardware.

Nine hours on the road, HO!!

I Hate Chicago.

2005-06-30T07:53:00.000+02:00

Actually, Chicago is fine. It's the airport there that inspires such grotesque loathing in me. I can't think of one time that I've been through there and something didn't get screwed up. You know things are bad when you're sitting on the tarmac waiting for takeoff and the pilot says, "We're just going to turn off the engines to conserve fuel. Feel free to get and walk around or use a cell phone."

I'm home now from the Great Caucasus Trip. Three weeks of photos, painful bus rides, food poisoning, interesting people, and Monopoly money! I'm so glad to be back.

And Gravity Takes Effect

2005-06-24T13:35:00.000+02:00

Our skyrocket of a trip has hit the top in Karabakh, and now we are on our way home... slowly. This commenced this morning with a 7 hour bus ride back through the mountains to Yerevan. Apparently, our bus driver learned to drive from a 4 year old, because our trip included an serious lack of the elementary concept of the gear system. This led to no attempt to down shift while passing large trucks around blind mountain passes, and attempts to coast uphill. I swear the guy added another hour to our trip.

Stepanakert, Nagorno-Karabakh

2005-06-22T14:01:00.000+02:00

No country in the world recognizes Karabakh as an independent state (including Armenia), but that doesn't stop us from having to get a separate visa to visit the area. Well, we're finally here. Tomorrow we'll spend all day in a cab with a driver and interpreter driving all over the area. After that, we begin the long journey the next day back to Istanbul via Armenia and Georgia.

In the Shadow of Mt. Ararat

2005-06-21T19:00:00.000+02:00

We've been in Yerevan for a day now. Parts of the city are quite beautiful, but it is difficult to notice when the sky is clear and the 5,000 something meter tall Mt. Ararat is lording over you. We leave for Karabagh tomorrow, finally. It is something of the centerpeice of our trip and I am anxious to finally see it. Greg and I have been talking about our thoughts so far. We have alot of impressions and elements to convey, but puting it all into a cohesive picture is still difficult. Into the mountains we go!

Stuck in Tblisi

2005-06-19T10:01:00.000+02:00

When Greg and I arrived in Tblisi, Georgia on Friday, we intended to stay only one night and continue on to Yerevan, Armenia on Saturday. Unfortunately, I got some food poisoning (so much for Georgian peaches) and spent most of early Saturday morning getting more acquainted with our toilet. After a house call from a Georgian doctor and her entourage, an injection of saline and one of Demerol (apparently for my slight fever), I was sound asleep and woke up fine this morning, albeit a little weak. Food poisoning is never fun, especially so in another country.

Georgia is so different from Azerbaijan. I expected to see much more in the way of evidence of the Soviet Union in crummy apartment blocks and the like, but the area we're seems to have retained much of it's local character despite the Soviet's best efforts. We haven't done much site seeing because of my little episode, but we have to return her later this week on our way back to Turkey. We hope to finish up then.

Crossing the border

2005-06-17T14:41:00.000+02:00

I just lost an entire post, so the retyping will be a bit brief.

The last few days in Baku were great. We made several friends who drove us around and took us to see all the sites. They also found us a contact in our next destination, Ganja, the original capital of the first Muslim democracy in the world. Today, we crossed the border into Georgia. I'm not a smoker, but a pack of cigarettes was the most useful thing that I could have had on me aside from my passport. Making friends with the border guards helped us avoid getting fleeced for bribes and cut down on the processing time. Being an American actually is a huge asset in this part of the world which is rather strange for us. We're kind of instant celebrities. We have to head back through here on the way back to Turkey so we'll see the sights then and just have a much needed rest today.

hagia-sofia

2005-06-11T14:54:00.000+02:00

Well, I finally made it to Istanbul, and Greg is still alive. His Turkish is still better than mine. It's nice to see the Hagia Sofia again (as pictured). We fly into Baku, Azerbaijan on Monday and the craziness will begin. But for now, we're just taking it easy for a few days. For those of you who know who he is, I rode on the airplane from Dallas to London with Dave Crowder. The band was heading to Edinburgh, Scotland for a music festival. That was pretty much the highlight of my whole trip.

Hagia_Sofia, originally uploaded by bartemeo-negro.

Sitting Quietly

2005-05-24T02:16:00.000+02:00

Sitting Quietly, originally uploaded by bartemeo-negro.

For full size, follow link to Flickr webpage and select 'all size' button above photo.

the ONE campaign

2005-05-06T00:39:00.000+02:00

"He has shown you, oh man, what is good and what the Lord requires of you; but to do justly and to love mercy and to walk humbly with your God."

-Micah 6:8

Not because you should, but because you can.
Not because they are in need of receiving, but because you are in need of giving.
Not because you love, but because you are loved.
Not for guilt, but for joy.

Some mornings are just like that...

2005-05-03T07:51:00.000+02:00

Torn Into Morning:

If you took apart my soul
Then there would be joy
One piece long, one piece hollow
So many pieces
Now dust I cannot swallow

I opened up my eyes to morning
It wasn't much to look at
Her words, they took the life from me
One word, two words, then too many
They fell upon a waking patient
And back to sleep I did flee

The night, it hides me safe and sound
These hands when lay beside my face
They cannot harm
The wicked root and bitter fruit
Sit idly upon the table lace

Don't wake me light nor bolt of thunder
I am not able to breath this morning air
When the day breaks she speaks her cares to me
They call me up and out to go
But my heart is weak, I'd rather slumber

As night is torn open into day
Stand tall, stand strong, but stand not close
Our garments yet are full of thistles
Inflicting wounds with Love's embrace
Each kindness, disgrace in heavy dose

It takes a while to be well known
To be inside and look around
It's hard to leave the space inside
And find out in what house you do reside
Though all the world can see your face
Until you know it, you are alone

-by

The Bun Run

2005-05-02T18:03:00.000+02:00

This was actually a week ago, but I've been too lazy to get it posted. It was a beautiful morning for a run: cool and clear. I decided to carry my camera with me and "document" my first race. I got some strange looks, but I figured, "Hey! At least I'm not the guy running in the giant sandwich costume."

(This guy beat me.) (This guy looks like he want to beat me.)

The only picture I didn't take that day. I was suppose to run with these guys, but we couldn't find each other before the race. Oh well. At least I still beat the sandwich guy.

HPHG Camping Extravaganza

2005-04-26T03:36:00.000+02:00

Pull out the Ottoman stuffed with blankets, fill the grill with gas for 15 minutes before lighting, and don't burn the banana mushroom delights (with a slight hint of knife)!

Just something old.

2005-04-23T16:07:00.000+02:00

And off came the beard!! Boo,,,

2005-04-16T02:30:00.000+02:00

Before:

After:

I stepped in front of the bathroom mirror a few days ago and said my final goodbyes to my dear friend and companion, Beard. It will be another week or so before I stop jumping out of my skin everytime I walk past a mirror and see a stranger in the house.

Back Home

2005-03-30T00:10:00.000+02:00

This is Caleb, Lindsey dropping me off at the airport last week. I almost decided to take little Jonas with me onto the plane, then thought better of it. :)
I ended up coming back a bit early, but it was the best timing. I don't think I would ever be ready to to leave no matter how long I staid. A todos mis amigos en Santiago de Compostela, erais como mi familia. Buena suerte y hasta luego. Me echo de menos sin vosotros. Escribed me!

I'm spending a week or so with my parents, and then I'll be heading to Austin to start looking for a job.

Overcome

2005-03-19T05:44:00.000+01:00

Avda. Rodríguez de Virgen 12, 4º A

Beautiful drowning

This beautiful drowning

This holy water

This holy water, is in my lungs

And I am overcome

I am overcome, yeah

Heh, i, heh, i, heh, I am overcome

I am overcome lord

-"OverCome"; Collective Soul

Some times words aren't enough. Some things fade away in the broad daylight. Some days, nothing happens and it changes your life. Some people aren't all that special, but you never forget them. I think me and my words are gonna stay inside today, and we'll talk about things that really matter.

Things to Come

2005-03-14T16:32:00.000+01:00

I've almost finished my photo exhibit. I know many of you out there didn't really think I was going to finish it, myself included at times, but not so! I've got a window of a few days between when all my friends come back from Holy Week and before Caleb and Lindsey move to Barcelona to have my opening. I want to finish making the prints before that week just in case there are any unforeseen problems. Everything is translated and nearly everything is arranged the way I want it. Just a few more adjustments and I'll take everything down to the impression shop. Two days later, I should have all of my final prints ready for display!

I haven't decided whether or not to post the images I use. I want to keep it all professional... or something. But we'll see what I can do. (Doug, this is where you offer to help!)

2005-03-11T18:15:00.000+01:00

I just thought I would give you fair warning. I picked up another Kierkegaard book this week: Sickness unto Death. Now doesn't that sound nice and rosy? :)

2005-03-08T16:07:00.000+01:00

This is the fire station across the street from where I live. It's small and attached to the much larger bus station.

This morning, starting at about 8:30, I was awakened by a series of excessively loud explosions. Now, I have become acustomed to the usual testing of sirens and such through out the day so that I don't even notice usually. But explosions are something quite different. I scramble out of bed and pull back the curtains to reveal...

...that the fire fighters are setting off huge bottle rockets in the parking lot!

I've spent most of the day in the apartment doing some work so I've had an opportunity to observe them all day. From time to time, a small group of them will walk out into the parking lot and fire a few of them off. But get this, they aren't using bottles as the name would imply. They are holding on to the stick with one hand while they light the fuse with the other, allowing it to take off from their hand! And these guys' are fire fighters!

Stupid Mouth

2005-03-02T13:51:00.000+01:00

The main problem with my mouth is that I tend to open it. It doesn’t like to follow orders.

I’m having a Bart-is-incompetent week. Spanish is a readily available illustration of this. I’ve got all of these rules and conjugations sitting around in my head, but you wouldn’t know it because no one has ever heard anything come from my mouth that would give evidence that they exist.

There is a definite disconnect between the head and the heart. I know a lot of things, but that doesn’t necessarily mean much. I know that E = mc2, and I know the basic physics theory behind how a nuclear bomb detonates, but that doesn’t mean that I have the slightest idea about how to go about making one. (I’ll bet that one makes a hit on the FBI search engines.) I know a lot about Alexander the Great, but there is absolutely zero possibility that I will ever know him. I know a lot about what it is to be a good person, but that doesn’t mean that I know how to be one.

Frustration is a potent teacher. It doesn’t matter how much any of us know, we are all ultimately incompetent people. And no matter how independent any of us are, we’re all social creatures, designed to need others. To be honest, I hate this. It’s a seemingly bad combination: being invalid and connected at the hip to other invalids. I wish I had either one or the other; either competency or independence.

But I understand the reason why we’re made like this, and I appreciate the beauty and simplicity of it. Knowledge is a foreign language to my heart and it doesn’t understand one word of it. Love, joy, hate and frustration… now those are words in the heart language. They give evidence to the fact that my heart in engaged in a conversation, a very important conversation that has been going on all of my life. In fact this conversation is the reason for life: that I hear, learn to listen, and maybe finally come to understand in my heart this conversation in which Jesus is speaking in words that my heart can understand to show me who He is.

Everything hinges on this. Life isn’t about my frustrations and joys. Life is about taking part in this conversation. Maybe I do hate that I’m never going to be able to speak any more eloquently than an idiot. Maybe I do hate the way I’m made. Maybe I should. Maybe it’s ok, because it drives me to listen; it reminds me about what’s really important, about the whole point of life.

Tidings of This and That

2005-02-24T11:18:00.000+01:00

There are a few things to cover from the past week or so. First off, it was my birthday last Monday. Unfortunately, I had was sick. I've had some virus or something that's made me miserable since last Sunday night. Happy birthday to me! Oh well. Thank you everyone for all of your cards and notes. It's always nice to be remembered. Caleb managed to talk me nto going to English Club at least to say hello on Monday night. Unbeknownst to me, part of the theme for that night was my birthday. Isa had made a Santiago pastry for me. It had two little red candles that said 23, but one had broken on the way there and so it was kind of sad looking. :) I've never had a better birthday cake. Thanks Isa. Caleb, Lindsey, and Eva gave me a small book about a famous Gallego photographer from the early 1900's, Ksado. I had a great time even though I was feeling pretty miserable.

The other big thing was that Caleb and Lindsey announced this week that they will be moving to Barcelona. They don't know exactly when yet, but it will be in a month or two, possibly before I leave. Eva will be going with them, so I'll be on my own again for a little bit. Oh well, I'll do just fine.

Last Sunday, José Manuel's entire family came into town for the day. Dinner was an all day affair. I was a bit apprehensive because I had been up all night the night before and was pretty tired. But they were wonderful. I had a lot of fun sitting around talking and joking with everyone all day. Even though I had to eat clams, and I really don't like clams. :)

In the Name of the Law...

2005-02-14T13:48:00.000+01:00

Hold on. I'm about to get ridiculous. My friend and I were talking about rules yesterday and why I don't respect them. Let me explain myself. There is a very real need for laws, and obeying them is necessary for our health both as individuals and as a collective. I guess what I don't agree with is the idea of the innate power of law. I'm not sure I believe that anyone individually or collectively has the innate authority to enforce law over me. Neither do I have that power over them.

Please don't confuse this statement as a proposition of anarchy, nor as a negation of absolute law (divine law, natural law, the Tao, what ever you would like to call it). As humans, we are subjugated to by our place in the universe to inescapable absolute laws. Gravity and the Laws of Thermodynamics will forever constrain our physical existence to a certain number of possibilities. People who argue with these laws tend to end up dead in a way that is very messy and unpleasant to speak of.

Likewise, there is an absolute law that governs our souls just as our bodies are governed. I don't argue with the innate authority of this law over us. What I am referring to are the regulations implemented by ourselves upon each other. It's a bit like Mrs. Brown's pre-school class trying to set up their own Supreme Court to regulate themselves during nap time.

So, what am I talking about? Should we forget rules altogether? If we were only under our own laws, then yes, I think we could. If that were the case, we would have problems on a much bigger scale and worrying about our own little laws would be a bit superfluous. However, this is not the case. We are still under the absolute law that dictates that we love. As Christian scripture teaches, the entirety of the law is summed up in love because love does no harm to it's neighbor. Seeing as we don't understand the first thing about how to love others, we still need rules to keep us from hurting each other too much (in theory at least).

So why don't I respect the rules? I don't respect them because they aren't an authority over me. But I obey them anyway because of the authority that is over me. (well, I should be doing anyway) This is where submission comes into play. The reason the idea of submission is so offensive to us is that we see it as an endorsement of an illegitimate authority over us that insults our autonomy and freedom as an individual. We think of submission as an act of inferiority when in fact it is an act of magnanimity.

I don't respect the rules, but I should respect those who make them because of the freedom inside of me.

Carnaval!

2005-02-10T16:47:00.001+01:00

I saw my first Carnaval this week here in Santiago. Well... 'saw' is a relative term. Mostly I just saw the back of this spanish guy's head, but I could see some of the taller floats. Unfortunately, I didn't get many interesting photos of the event. Unless any of you out there want to see the back of a spanish guy's head. :)

Jonas Crider making his Carnaval debut.

House Warming

2005-02-10T16:20:00.000+01:00

We had a house warming party for Isa last weekend. It's her first place thats just her's so it was a big deal. There was enough food to stock her fridge for her first month. We also had a lot of fun writing her notes in dry marker on all of the glass surfaces in the house. She will be finding them for months. :)

It was also the first time that I had seen a lot of my friends since I got back. I had forgotten how much fun they all are. What a bunch of jokers! People get older, get families, become responsible, but I don't think they ever grow up. :)

The three amigos, and me left holding the tortilla español.

Killing the Roommate

2005-01-29T23:12:00.000+01:00

I made some chili con carne for dinner tonight. Josè Manuel almost died. I think we´re going to get along just fine!

Arriving completely

2005-01-27T16:25:00.000+01:00

Stepping off the last plane and walking into my last airport terminal yesterday found me ten minutes ahead of schedule, minus two bags and one ride home. Its funny how these things don't bother me anymore. Granted I was in a quasi-alive, stuporous state, but I had arrived completely with anything I would ever really need. The ride was coming soon cause the friends were late. I didn't know what was going on, but I knew that they would take care of me, cause I know my friends. And who cares about the bags.

The point isn't that I didn't have bags, nor a ride, nor even that I didn't care. The point is that I've got friends who love me and I count myself lucky because of it.

Incidentally, the luggage arrived the next morning.

Things left unsaid.

2005-01-24T22:12:00.000+01:00

I'll be setting sail again tomorrow for Santiago. I'm looking forward to getting back. The month I've spent back at home has been difficult for me. Well, difficult and a joy all at the same time. It has been such a joy to sit down with so many people one on one, catch up with each other, and share what God is doing and about what I'm learning. The really fascinating thing is more often than not, the reply I get is, "That's funny. That's exactly the same thing God has been showing me!" Why are we ever surprised?

The difficult part is that these conversations are a precious few. Most people don't really understand what I do. They think I'm just out of college, too lazy to get a real job and I'm on some kind of paid vacation. They aren't really interested in what I might have to share with them. How do you explain to some one who isn't interested in listening that they have a listening problem? How do you explain to some one that life is an experience and not an equation? When I spend time with some one, I am not accomplishing a series of tasks with them. I am not pouring money or time into them. I am pouring me into them. That's the hardest work there is because it leaves you with nothing left, and nothing to show for it. Some people might think that's a poor investment. I don't happen to agree.

Sometimes I'm in a conversation or I'm speaking, and I have all of these things bursting to be explained and shared. But then I see the look of indifference in their eyes, the unbridgeable chasm between us experientially... and some things have to be left unsaid. They have experience it for themselves, and I'm not the one who can show them.

Just something I was reading:

"At the end of his essay, [John] captured an amazing conversation between
Jesus and Peter. Jesus keeps saying to Peter, "Do you love me?" And
Peter keeps saying,"Yes, yes I do; You know that I do, " but Jesus doesn't
believe Peter and keeps asking him the same question again and again. It's
quite dramatic, really. The way John writes about Jesus makes you feel like the
sum of our faith is a kind of constant dialogue about whether or not we love
Him. I grew up believing that a Christian didn't have to love God or
anybody else; he just had to believe some things and be willing to take a stand
for the things he believed in. John seemed to embrace the relational dynamic of our faith."
-Donald Miller, Searching for God Knows
What

Lights of Sintra

2004-12-29T18:06:00.000+01:00

The lights of Sintra, Portugual are beautiful, jut like the Christmas season. Here is hoping that all of you are enjoying the Christmas cheer and time with loved ones.

"And his name shall be called Wonderful Counselor, Prince of Peace,
Emmanuel"

The old man and his motorcycle.

2004-12-28T18:53:00.000+01:00

I'm spending a week at my parents house. I don't really know anybody around here, so it can get a little boring sometimes. But I have things to work on that need to get done anyway.

I called a friend of mine up that I haven't seen in nearly a year. He drives a motorcycle. We call him "Captain" because his first name is Kirk, but he's about as unlike Cpt. Kirk as anybody could get. Long hair, thin(well Cpt. Kirk used to thin but not anymore), and soft spoken. We had chinese and talked about what had happened over the past year and where God was taking us.

I think that that's my favorite part about friendship. You get to catch up with eachother over chinese, laugh about old times, and then laugh even harder about new times.

Well, Captian, here's to courage and friendship!

P.S. My program that I use for posting pics is being delinquent, so the cool pictures of the city Christmas lights in Sintra, Portugual will have to wait.

I'll be home for Christmas...

2004-12-20T21:14:00.000+01:00

My last week in Spain went by so fast. I didn't look like I was going to have time to fit saying goodbye to everybody into one week, but I did. It helps alot knowing that I will be ack in a few weeks and I'm looking forward to it.

Now, I am safe and sound back at home... where ever that means. My friends Lindsey and Isa picked me up at the airport. We drove to my parents house straight from the airport so I could see my sister before she goes back to Tulsa. Now I'm going to head back to Austin for the week before Christmas to try and see a few friends.

Hope to see everyone soon.

Feliz Navidad!!

Things so good to hear.

2004-12-11T15:06:00.000+01:00

I haven't really seen my old roomate, since he got married and we all moved away, but it's good to see that he is still charging on.

The day I broke free of the tired old idealology that church is about suits and old hyms, is the day I really came to know God. As Christians we should question ourselves so that we grow a strong faith in what we believe, and so we know how to express that to others. We should never pass up an oppurtunity to listen to other opinions. As americans we learn to avoid risk but as christians we need to enbrace it, because it is that which keeps us alive.
-from Chris' blog

I've got alot of old friends scattered all over the world now that I've had to leave behind, but it is always so good to hear from them from time to time. It lets me know that God is still moving.

To Quote Bilbo Baggins...

2004-12-10T20:43:00.000+01:00

"Stepping out on the road is a dangerous business. You have to keep you feet under you, or before you know it you'll be swept off to who knows where!"

Or at least something similar to that was Bilbo's take on adventure. We certainly had a bit of adventure ourselves this past week. We had several days of holiday and so we decided to rent a car and drive to Lisbón, Seville, and Córdoba for 4 days. This took us down the Atlantic coast into Portugal, then east back into southern Spain. Now the only road atlas that we were able to obtain was four years old. It might as well have been of a different country for all it was worth. Most of the roads we used apparently didn't exist according to the map, and nothing had the same name anymore. Also, it was very evident to us that the Spanish and Portuguese road systems were developed by some one who was neither an engineer, nor had ever driven a car. At one point, while attempting to use secondary highways in Portugal that would not be tolled, we were driving down a major highway which suddenly became a goat path. We thought we must have missed a turn somewhere, but there had been no turns at all. After winding our way through a pueblo and through a mountain pass, we crossed a one lane bridge and were suddenly on a major highway once again. Cement and everything. Surreal.

Complaining aside, we had a great time and saw some breathtaking cities and countryside. In Sintra, Portugal outside of Lisbón, there are two Portuguese palaces and a Morish castle on top of the mountain overlooking the ancient village. Lisbón is a busseling metropolis of highrise apartment blocks with a great waterfront full of cool forts and monuments to explorers.

Seville is also a large city, but much less a modern. Never plan on parking over night there. At €60 every 24 hours, you might as well park in New York City. We drove around until I found a place to parallel park on the street for free. There's way too much to see in one day, but we managed to squeeze in the palace and gardens, a walk through the old downtown by the cathedral (which was closed), and the Plaza de España( my favorite building in the world short of Hagia Sophia in Istanbul).

Córdoba is really more a really big town than a city. It's just as old as Seville and just as interesting, but not as touristy. I've been wanting to go see the Mezquita there for a long time. It's a huge Moorish mosque with a 17th cent. gothic cathedral smack in the center. Very weird, but captivating. The inside gives the impression that your in a forest because of the huge number of pillars and the low level of light. Some of the pillars are even from ancient Carthage! (Way cool!)

On the 15 hour drive back to Santiago, we stopped in Peñarroya. It's a small backwater pueblo in the middle of no where, but I had stayed there for two weeks with some friends freom England in the summer of 2000. I had lost their contact info and so hadn't talked to them in four and a half years. So we just stopped by and knocked on their door. We had lunch with them and caught up with one another. Not much had changed in Peñarroya since I'd left. :) It's always good to see old friends.

Later that night, we had a lot of problems getting back because of heavy fog, bad maps and crazy road signs, but we managed to finally hit the sack about 3Am... normal bedtime for Spain. :)

The VIP Pass

2004-12-03T14:56:00.000+01:00

Apparently, Santiago has something of an international concert scene. This last week "The Violent Fems" were in town. Somehow they ended up finding Café Terra Nova, realized how cool it was (or maybe just that it had WiFi), and practically set up shop there the whole week. Then they put us on the guest list for their concert at the end of the week. Nice guys.

Its kind of funny because no one really knows who they are in the States anymore, but they were completely suprised to find out that they're insanely popular over here. (so were we) I mean, Spaniards can't even understand the words to sing along. They were pretty cool guys. They spent their time checking emails and coming up with silly lymrics about finding tuxedos and walking out on stage in speedos. You can tell that they have alot of fun in concert as well, even if the crowd doesn't have a clue what they're singing.

PS. The guy on the bass guitar at the far right is actually the sax player for "Pink Floyd". He's a friend of the band and happened to be touring with them.

101 Pieces of Baggage

2004-12-02T13:25:00.000+01:00

-No pictures today because the cafe I normally use is closed today.-

A few things to catch up on:

Caleb and Lindsey Crider welcomed their first son, Jonas Scott Crider, last Monday. Felicidades and congradulations!
I've been invited to live with a friend of mine in his apartment, so I'm looking at going home for Christmas and coming back to Santiago.
I've realized that most of my digital photos have been resized by posting them to my MSN group, and thus are too small now for using for an exhibit. Boo!
It's raining again.

Further thoughts:

Well, I've been chewing on this idea of modernism and postmodernism for sometime now with respects to a realtionship with God. Being from a modernist culture, I've been engrained with the necessity of proof, with the idea that objective truth not only exists, but can be methodically proven. I've read all kinds of books and have heard all sorts of conversations and sermons on the topic of proving the existance, supremecy, or the character of God via logic. i.e. Many people believe "X" about God when in fact "Y" is true as proven by evidendes A, B, and C. Therefore, explain A, B, and C to the next person you meet who believes "X" and convert them. We have this deep need to win arguements and logically define the infinite God as proof that He exists. For truth is logical, and God is surely truth. As if He needed our help in existing and would cease to be if we happen to fail in our endevours of proof. I grow suspicious anytime we begin to construct ideas of God and reality that depend on us for their success or validity.

The thought occured to me today, that the postmodernist, whom we in our culture tend to view as illogical and faithless, is in a far better positon than we are to please God if "it is impossible to please God without faith." For by definition, if objective truth exists, we can not truely know it because all perspectives, proofs, and arguements are faulty and are insufficient to explain truth. In essence, he has nothing left to use but faith in order to know the Omnipotent. Is is possible that God would remove all other suports in order to lead us to depend solely on Him? It sounds to me exactly like the behavior of the God of Abraham.

When we, in a supposedly Godly culture, look to the postmodern culture, we see a land that is dry and arid, full of rocks and unsuitable for planting seeds. I think maybe God sees something different. Maybe he sees a people who are fed up with being manipulated, who are dissillusioned by the logic of this world that so easily fails, and who are not impeded in knowing Him by a need for proofs.

Maybe he sees a people who have no baggage that keeps them from faith.

Home or Away

2004-11-25T13:18:00.000+01:00

I'm still mulling over whether or not to try and stay longer here in Spain. It's taking longer than I expected to hammer out the expenses of every permutation. Where to stay, should I fly, take a train, etc. Also, it's looking more and more like there won't be time nor the money to complete an exhibit before I leave. I'm looking into more long term options at the moment.

Happy Thanksgiving to everybody out there!

Catching up with Sleep.

2004-11-21T16:06:00.000+01:00

So I didn't end up going to church with the Mormons today. Stephanie came in from Germany late last night and we all staid up talking. I was too tired to get up early this morning. As far as why I was going to go in the first place, I ran into a pair of them coming home from the train station yesterday. They tried to speak to me in Spanish, but between the three of us, I didn't understand a word they said. Of course they don't realize that I'm not a Spaniard at this point. It seems like it's only the foreigners here that can't seem to figure out that I'm obviously not a Spaniard. Usually the Italian foreigners. I think they were a bit taken off guard when A) I started talking to them, and B) I was speaking English.
Now there might be a few of you out there of the opinion that the act of conversing with a Mormon might send me to hell, but I don't share this perspective and usually try to treat them just like I would any other normal person. (Are there any normal people?) I told them up front that I'm quite firm in my convictions, but that I don't mind talking with anybody about different ideas. And I actually beat them to the punch, I invited them to have coffee sometime. :) But of course, I forgot that they don't drink caffeine, so they had to decline. But they invited me to their church service on the other side (the very far away other side) of town. I don't tend to feel threatened by such things and so I said why not.
Normally, I would feel bad about breaking an appointment. But in this case I won't lose any sleep over it, especially since I was finding that sleep this morning. Besides, I'm sure I'll run into them again at some point.

Flight of the Spruce Goose

2004-11-20T15:17:00.000+01:00

Ok, so this wasn't actually the plane that Brenda flew into A Coruña on, but it might as well have been. Pablo, Shana and I all piled into his VW Golf and drove the hour into A Coruña and then spent another twenty minutes finding the airport. We ended up being an hour early anyway, but we didn't mind sitting in the café and browsing through the bookstore. Eventually, her arrival time rolled around and the flashing screen changed from "On Time" to "Arrived". Thirty minutes later, it was still flashing. Now this particular airport would take a maximum of 5 minutes to walk across it's entirety, so this was a bit odd. Finally, there was an announcement that the flight had been redirected to Santiago. We live in Santiago. But don't worry! The passengers were being bused to A Coruña. Eventually, we were able to confirm a message to Brenda who didn't even know that she was in the wrong city, telling her to stay put. An hour later, we picked her up in Santiago. Fortunately, we had a wonderful time the rest of the evening eating and walking around showing her the sites at night.

Monday was spent flying through Madrid and London on our way to Hanover, Germany. Our meeting was at a retreat/ vacation center in the country. Let me tell you something about Germans. They're kind of weird. Spending more than 2 minutes and 30 seconds in a hot shower is a crime against humanity, but they are perfectly willing to spend 30 trillion dollars a year separating the little metal staples from their tea bags so that they can be recycled properly. Germans don't use trash cans. They devote an entire region of their living space to waste receptacles. There are no less than four separate and color coded cans for waste. And if you put the little metal staple in the same can as the rest of the teabag... they will hunt you down, fine you beyond any reasonable year's wages, and deport you from the continent!

Actually, the week went well, but it was fun laughing at the Germans. And it was nice to not feel guilty about speaking English for whole week! We had some good fellowship, some a normal food, and even a little snow the last day we were there. Very refreshing. Now that we're back in Santiago, its back to the grindstone. :)

And tomorrow, I'm going to church with the Mormons! I'll explain next time.

P.S. This is Brenda and me at the Gatwick airport posing as Victorian British people. I'm doing an impersonation of that bad guy from Oliver Twist.

"Here we go in the Gnome mobile..."

2004-11-13T14:48:00.000+01:00

Does anybody remember that movie? I don't even know what it's called...

Ok, so quick catch up. Brenda Sanders, my boss, is comming into town today to spend the weekend with us. Then we're going to Germany next week for a meeting. So I managed to hook a friend of mine, Pablo, into giving me a ride to the airport in A Coruña to pick her up. But Pablo doesn't really know where the airport is. This could get difficult...

Good things to come.

Taking Care of Business...

2004-11-10T13:51:00.000+01:00

...and work'in over-time. Well, not too much. Mainly, the past two weeks have been a bit odd because of holidays and schedule changes due to the absence of our supervisors. From time to time, we hang out with three American families that own a cafe in town. We stop by for coffee, babysit their kids, etc. On Sunday nights we all get together at the cafe for church. Classes, English clubs, and intercambios go on (and on and on). Since the Criders are gone, I've taken over their English club on Monday nights. It's mostly all of their Spanish friends and that makes it a lot of fun because they are all so cool.
But it will be a while before things get back to "normal". Brenda, our boss, is coming into town from Texas this weekend to spend a few days with us before we all go to Germany next week. Theres a conference for all of our students in Western Europe. We've been looking foward to seeing her, but we hadn't planned on the Criders not being here.
I've accumulated a quite a few photos already for my photography project, but I am only just now beginning to hammer out the logistics of an actual exhibit. I had no idea how expensive photography could get! I'm looking around for the cheapest options that hopefully won't involve me duct-taping 5x7 prints onto a bare brick wall. Something slightly more... professional was what I had in mind. If anybody knows anything about this, by all means, give me some suggestions!

"So Tell Me All Your Thoughts on God..."

2004-11-04T13:34:00.000+01:00

[My apologies to my friend if this looks very similar to a letter that I wrote him.]

I've been reading Kierkegaard's Fear and Trembling, very slowing mind you. It's a bit difficult to process. Its a discussion of the realities of faith using the story of Abraham preparing to sacrifice Isaac. I kept thinking about a comment my friend said when his father died about how we say "just have faith" and how useless that phrase is.

Kierkegaard says that we treat faith as if it were something that we start with. In reality, we don't understand faith, just as we don't understand love. I think we say "just have faith" when what we are really saying is "just know the right answers about God and everything will feel right". We make it into a game of memorizing all of the right answers, of constructing a finite image of who God is and what he does, because its safer than the unknown. Anyone who questions our consensus must obviously be lacking in faith. We speak of faith as if it were something we pick up off the ground and put in our pocket, like it was a bus token. We think of it as well defined, finite, either possessed or not.

Yet faith is something to spend a lifetime attaining. Abraham, 'the father of faith', had already left the land of his people and land. He grew old through the years that he believed that God would give him a son. He believed God when he was too old to have children that He would make him a father of a great nation. He had already proven his faith over and again. But he was an old man when God told him to sacrifice his son, the manifestation of the fulfillment of God's promise of a nation. "I believe Lord, but help my unbelief", as the man said to Jesus.

To act upon unexplainable but foreseeable understanding is no real faith. It is when what is demanded of us is so totally outside, or even contrary to, our understanding and experience of who God is that we balk. How could God promise a nation through a son and then take the son back? It's contrary to logic, reason, understanding. It doesn't align with any known characteristic of God. God does not lie, he does not deceive. He is good and just.

So this is what I am coming to. All of my life, I have thought about faith as trusting, based on my understanding of God that I presently have, in God's ability to work all things for the best despite my lack of understanding. But Abraham trusted God based on a level of intimacy that he had yet to attain. Even when it seemed as if that higher level of intimacy might prove his present knowledge of God to be false. Faith is not a test, but a lesson. An instruction that leads us into deeper, fuller, more complete knowledge of God. It takes us beyond mercy and justice, free will and selection, love and wraith, beyond every apparent contradiction to a place where we know in full even as we are fully known.

I am reminded of a discussion on the reason why Jesus waited three days before going to see Lazarus, his dear friend. Was he cold hearted, uncaring for the suffering of his friends? Was he eager to show off his latest magic trick? His friends knew that it was well with in His power to heal Lazarus. They had seen him heal countless times before, and this is why they asked for him in the first place. But had he gone to them and healed Lazarus, the knowledge of Jesus Christ as the Healer would have been the extent of their intimacy. Jesus wanted to reveal to them himself as the Conqueror of Death. He wanted to show them who he was. That is why he had to wait through the 3 days of anguish.

So the question is not: Do I believe that God is in control? The question is: Do I really want to find out that God is not who I thought he was? That's a pretty big bubble, and it took a long time and a lot of anguish to arrange it. Do I really want to discover that love & justice, right & wrong, and truth are not really at all what I thought they were? Because if I have faith, then I will discover these things. It will change everything. Everything. My desires, my purposes, what I hold dear. The rosy picture that I have of myself in the light of my present understanding of God. What did the revelation that came because of faith cause the disciples to do? Become martyrs. What did faith cause Abraham to do? Leave his country and to be prepared to give up not just his son and his promise, but his god.

So this is what "having faith" really means, to be prepared to give up what you know as God in order to know the real thing.

The Old man and the Sea

2004-11-03T21:00:00.000+01:00

So I've met my first honest Spaniard over the weekend. I'm sitting in this pub in Lugo, eating really early, like 8:00 or 9:00 at night. I'm talking to the barmaid who is sitting next to me at the bar because there is no one else in the pub, it's that early. After about 5 minutes of chit chat about the elections and Osama bin Ladin, she looks at me and says, "You really need to improve your Spanish a lot!" I almost choke on my food. I'm laughing so hard because most of my friends try to tell me how much my Spanish has improved. Either they lied, or my Spanish used to be beyond belief!
Choking aside, I've had a few thoughts while traveling to the sea over the weekend. I'm still trying to put them all together, but maybe I'll get a bit philosophical in the next post.

Back Home (that's Santiago now)

2004-11-02T14:41:00.000+01:00

I realize that this will be my third post in a row without any photos. I got half way to the internet cafe before I remembered that I'd left all of my new photos at the flat. Sorry, you'll all have to wait until tomorrow. But here's a short synopsis:

Saturday.
Had to find the right city bus to take me to the bus station. It was clear across town and I didn't really know where it was. After several vague responses from my Spanish friends about where would be the best place to go to the coast for the weekend, I decided to go see "La Playa de Las Catedrales" (the Beach of the Cathedrals). Its a beach in the north-east corner of Gallecia, just outside of the port village of Ribadeo, which has really tall cliffs that form natural arches. The arches look similar to the flying buttresses you see on the outside of a lot of Gothic cathedrals. However, getting there was slightly complicated. First, I had to take a bus to Lugo where I had to stay the night and get the first bus the next day to Ribadeo.

Sunday.
Everything is closed because it's Sunday. I had a few hours in Lugo before my bus left, so I walked around the town on top of the medieval city walls. That was pretty cool. It's just as medieval as Santiago, but somehow totally different. Had a bit of a scare when I went to check on the bus times. I thought I'd missed my bus by 15 minutes only to figure out that I had forgotten to set my watch back an hour the night before for the time change.
Arrived in Ribadeo that evening as it was getting dark. It took some time to find a hostel.

Monday.
Everything is closed because its a holiday. It also meant that there were no buses or trains going to the beach 8 kilometers away. Had to get a taxi, but it wasn't as expensive as I thought it would be. Got down to the beach and scouted it out. Found out that my timing was good because I had an hour to low-tide. The bad news was that the part of the beach with the flying buttresses is only "dry" for about 15 minutes. By dry, I mean fordable with pant legs rolled up. So I have to time it just right, dash across some very cold water barefoot, get loads of beautiful pictures and get back across the water in 15 minutes or I get stuck in the surf. Hurrah.... The pictures had better turn out. Anyway, I didn't want to spend money on another taxi ride, so I hoofed it back to town in my wet pants. It was actually kind of relaxing taking a hike down the coastline. Kind of reminded me of England. Didn't have time to make all of the transactions required to make it back to Santiago that day, so I had to stay another night.

Tuesday.
Yeah, I missed class. It's only the second time! Finally got back into Santiago. It was cold. Didn't want to wait forever for the same bus that I had come on, so I took a strange one that would apparently take me to my street. Unfortunately, the driver failed to mention that we would first be stopping in a zig zag pattern at every other street corner in Santiago. I could have walked back in less time, but I suppose it was worth it to be dropped off practically in front of my house.

Hope everyone had a happy Halloween. I'm looking forward to getting back into the fray now that I'm all refreshed. :)

Final Goodbye

2004-10-29T17:12:00.000+02:00

I just got an email from Caleb and Lindsey. They are officially not going to return until after the baby is born. I'm not sure when that will be, but I am guessing late December or January. I don't have much time right now to post, but that's ok because I don't have much information to pass along, anyway. More to come on my fantastic trip I'm taking to the coast.

All Dressed Up and Nowhere to Go.

2004-10-28T13:13:00.000+02:00

It's strange how things have a way of piling up on you without you noticing. And then suddenly, you realize that you are exhausted for seemingly no particular reason. Fortunately, Spaniards have a useful and frequent remedy for such things. It's called a fiesta, of which there are a ridiculous amount. Yet again, I have along weekend, four days with nothing planned to do as of yet. Normally, I don't get an opportunity to plan anything because I know enough people that multiple options are planned for me. Choosing between them is the difficult part. However, this weekend, many of my friends are busy, out of town, or even out of country. A group of American exchange students invited me to go with them to San Pablo this weekend. As much fun as that would be, I really don't need to spend so much time with English speakers. It's bad for my health. :) Maybe I'll take a day or two off by myself and take a train to the coast or something. I need to get some shots of the sea anyway. We'll see.

P.S. I'm blogging from a strange computer, so no photos today. Sorry.

P.P.S. I put a hit counter at the bottom of my blog for a reason. It helps me monitor the degree of laziness of my reading audience. I know that my mother is not checking my blog 45 times a day, so that means that there are a lot of you out there who need to step up and give a little feed back. In plainer English: Leave some comments! :)

Sunny Rain

2004-10-26T13:44:00.000+02:00

So, I'm standing outside of this cafe yesterday, waiting for my new intercambio person to show up at 6 o'clock. I don't know her name yet, and I told her that I would be wearing a green T-shirt with a black vest so that she could know who I was. The problem is that it had gotten a lot colder and had begun to rain. But I can't put on a sweater, or she won't recognize me. So I'm standing under the eaves of this cafe getting wet and shivering. I look up at the sky, and the sun is in my eyes (as well as the rain). It's bright and sunshiny two blocks away, but it's pouring down cold rain on me! Six o'clock passes. Six fifteen passes. Finally, I give up at 6:20 and go home, having never seen anyone remotely fitting her description. I get home fifteen minutes later, wet and cold. I check my mobil phone which I had forgotten to take with me, and she had sent me a text saying, "It's 6:25 and I'm here at the cafe door. Where are you!?" :) Apparently, her bus was late or something.
I think she must be a student from Andalucia in the south, because Spaniards around these parts are actually fairly punctual.

Update

2004-10-22T20:26:00.000+02:00

Caleb's dad passed away last night. Caleb is doing alright, and everything has already been prepared. I am assuming that he and Lindsey are still returning on the 30th. Thank you on their behalf for all of your support. Caleb, we are thinking of you and hope to see you and Lindsey soon.
Things in Santiago, meanwhile, are carrying on. I started my photography class last night. Fortunately, my friend Isa is taking the same class. She can translate for me which is good because I didn't catch anything at all last night. Well, mostly nothing. There are two teachers and they speak too quickly, playing off of each other. Plus, the vocabulary is still strange. Unfortunately, for me, Isa called me today to tell me that she has suddenly received a scholarship for two months studying in Austin, Texas (of all places)! Hurrah for her. Poor me. :)
Pictures later.

Day Tripping

2004-10-18T15:13:00.000+02:00

Sunday was a full day. Having been up (very) late for the past two nights and still very much under the influence of a cold, the girls and I left early in the morning. We caught a train to Padrón where our friend Rocío and her sister met us at the train station. From there we drove to an open market. I think the girls were more interested in shopping, but I tagged along for the photo opportunity. I am so glad that I dragged myself out of my warm bed, because I managed to get some good photos. It was a good addition to my project. Afterwards, Rocío and Marí tooks us to their home town and the surrounding area. We stopped at a public park and walked around the ruins of an old fortress built to protect the area from the Vikings.
Back home in Santiago, we spent the evening over dinner with some friends of ours that run a local cafe. It was a good time of fellowship and an excuse for pizza.
Having exhausted myself, I decided to head to bed early, at about 1AM. :)

just a note

2004-10-16T20:12:00.000+02:00

Got an email from Lindsey. Caleb's dad is still alive even though he has been taken off all life supports. This is against all expectations, but there has been no improvement and none is expected. He is comfortable and has been conscious at times. They have even been able to communicate with him a little.
I am slowly getting over my cold, but am still very tired. Intercambios are continuing to go well, and I have a few new ones. Conversations have been enlightening and purposeful. Last night, I met my roommate's circle of friends and they seem to have taken me in under their wing. We will see how this goes.
Also, I learned a new word: telebasura. It means tele-garbage, as in worthless TV programs. It seems that Spaniards have a sense of humor about their own television. :)

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P.S. I think i fixed the problem with the comments. Everyone should be able to comment now, even if you don't have a Blogger account. Personally, i think it's a dumb way for Blogger to run their comments.

24 hour flu

2004-10-14T15:34:00.000+02:00

Well, today I am sick. I think I caught what ever it was that Caleb had before he left. I hope that is just a cold or something. Something that won't last very long. Yesterday was a very long day. I unexpectedly had two intercambios back to back in the evening. That's 4 hours of mental gymansics. By the end of the second one, I could already feel myself pulling back into a tunnel and shutting down. My throat was slightly swollen, and I was just plane tired. After a bottle of orange juice and 12 hours of sleep, I'm functioning with the assistance of some Dayquil. Hopefully, I wont have to postpone my intercambio tonight. It's the first time I've met this guy and I hate to start off on the wrong foot.
Tomorrow, I'll have coffee with Matt, my temporary supervisor while Caleb and Lindsey are out of the country. They run a café in town. I wonder if the coffee will be on the house? :)

A haphazard send-off

2004-10-13T15:55:00.000+02:00

We had our short meeting last night amongst Caleb and Lindsey's frantic packing. It was good to see them before they headed off at 5AM this morning. We had a little home cooked chile and some Ben and Jerry's ice cream that I managed to find somewhere. As usual, we laughed a lot and had a great time, but there was a somber undertone. Officially, the family has decided to discontinue the life support for Caleb's dad, and to try to make him as comfortable as possible. The rest of it will be on God's timing. They will be back in two weeks, but I already miss them.
In the meantime, the girls and I will just doing what we do. I'm sure most of you are still wondering what exactly that is. :) Me, too. I don't think that I've had two days when I've done the same thing. The weather is turning much colder and rainier (not sure if that's a word), but we still walk to class everyday in it anyway. Hurrah, Europe. Let's see, what is it that my dad is always telling me? Something about building character... I don't know, I'm usually not listening to him. (Just kidding, dad.)

Caleb is Going Home

2004-10-12T16:10:00.000+02:00

Caleb was sick yesterday with a cold and so he wasn't with us at English club last night. In the middle of everything, Lindsey got a call from him. He had gotten a call from his family and the doctors expected his dad to die pretty soon. So that's how we found out he was going home Wednesday morning. I didn't get to see him last night and so I won't know the full details until tonight's meeting, but I think that Lindsey is planning to go with him at least for a short time. She still wants to have the baby in Spain. Meanwhile, the girls and I would carry on with our own schedules with out them until they come back. We'll be alright. I'm fairly confident in my ability to order pizza on the phone. (For those of you laughing... that's a monumental step in learning another language!) I'll try to make another post maybe tonight or tomorrow morning after I know more about everything. Please keep Caleb and Lindsey in your thoughts as this is a very difficult time with many concerns.
Also, I have some American friends at Spanish class that are exchange students from the University of Kansas. One of the girls from their group was hit by a car yesterday. She is ok, but I'm not sure as to the extent of her injuries. We were suppose to go out with them last night, but they were obviously preoccupied at the time.
Meanwhile, Shanna is busily racking up the numbers of intercambios she has every week. I don't know how she does it because they are so draining for me. I think she is trying to put together another English club at some point. Stephanie and I are both thinking about our photo projects. Film may be a difficulty because it is very expensive. I've got my parents on a fact finding mission to figure out how much it cost to buy it in bulk at Sam's Club. Things seem to be going well with my flatmates. I spent a few hours hanging out with some of them and their friends last night... well this morning... what ever you want to call it. Spaniards stay up to ridiculous hours as norm, by the way. It's not just a college kid thing. Adios.

Cancelled Plans

2004-10-09T16:59:00.000+02:00

I was suppose to go on a road trip today to the equivalent of a state park and officially start my photography project. There are some ruins of two monasteries and some spectacular waterfalls, supposedly. Alas, it´s pouring down and the wind is gusting at gail force. It´s a rainy day to say the least. Somewhere in the back of my mind, there should be a list of things that I saved to do on a rainy day. I just can´t seem to find it.
My teammates have all seemed to adapt well to life in Santiago, which is good because we are then able to be more independent and forge our own paths into the Gallician culture. It´s also bad because we are more independent and have forged our own paths into Gallician culture. Hence, I have no idea where the rest of my teammates are today. I guess I´ll have to make my own alternative plans, which is probably good for me.
I FINALLY moved into my permanent housing last Thursday. It´s in an apartment building that´s about as down hill as you can get in Santiago. :( But I do have three genuine Gallego flatmates. :) One of which is normal, another is a heavy medal anarchist, and the third I still haven´t met because he is alway asleep in his room.
Actually, they are nice guys and we seem to be getting along. I just haven´t had an opportunity to spend much time with them as of yet. I hope to be able to build some genuine friendships here.

28 Year Old Children

2004-10-07T16:38:00.000+02:00

Caleb just had his 28th birthday and we threw him a little surprise birthday get together at the cafe down the street. It was the first time that all of their Spanish friends were in the same place at the same time with all of us foreigners, so that was cool. And it was good to see that they felt like they knew us well enough to be relaxed and just have fun. Anytime you get a big group of friends all at one meal, the stories and accusations start flying. :) But I´ve never seen it in such a mix of two languages. Isabela (Isa) bought Caleb the RIDICULOUSLY huge card and we all signed it. Several of us got together and bought him a piece of equipment for his Play Station 2 so that he can play video games against people online now. I had nothing to do with that and would benefit from it in no way. ;)
A good time was had by all, and a great time of fellowship.

Happy Birthday Caleb!

PS I don´t normally like to mix color and black&white photos, but this is just such a CLASSIC Caleb expression that i had to make an exception. :)

Fine Art and Babies?

2004-10-04T04:04:00.000+02:00

Well, this is me just wandering around one afternoon with a few hours off. There was this random art gallery in the hallway of this apartment block, so I decided to take a few shots. Unfortunately, the hall way shared a windowed wall with a baby goods store. I'm sure all of the women shopping for their stollers and baby clothes thought I was quite strange taking pictures of myself.
Well, all of the students are back in town and our placement test is tomorrow morning. I've got two intercambios (language tutoring sessions) already and hope to find a few more. The girls have moved into their permanent aparment, but I haven't yet myself. Fortunately, neither my Japnese nor Dutch temporary flatmates speak very much English. More pictures coming.

P.S. No word as of yet on the condition of Caleb's dad. Please keep praying. It has been a difficult time, but one that has bound us closely together in Christ.

Difficult Time

2004-10-01T20:09:00.000+02:00

Unfortunately, I have some difficult news. Caleb's father has been in the hospital with pancreas complications for the past 6 months. He has been through several unsuccessful endoscopic surgeries and today he had an invasive one. It was unsuccessful. The doctors are not sure if he will survive and can give no time frame as of yet. His attitude through this ordeal has been full of faith and wisdom even though it has been a long suffering burden for Caleb and his family. He and Lindsey may need to return to the States and it is unclear what that means for the rest of the team at this point. The girls and I are grateful that we could be here to share their burden and are doing all that we can. Incidentally, this all comes as they prepare for the added pressure and joy of their first baby which is due this Thanksgiving. Please keep them in your thoughts.

Photo gallery link at the top the page!!!

2004-09-27T16:20:00.000+02:00

Steph with her camera.
We went to Portugal last weekend. Classes don't start until next week on the 5th, so there aren't any students around town right now. Since things are slow, we thought it would be a great opportunity to take a road trip. We stopped by a famous spanish castle on the sea, hence the cannon. It was the port that the Pinta returned to and so the first to find out about the new world. Then we stopped at a pre-Roman settlement of celts near the border. We actually only spent about 3 hours just across the border in Portugal, but it was fun. Crossing the 'border' in the EU is like crossing the state border in the US. No gaurd stations. Nothing but motorway.
The team has meshed well. Not only do we get along famously, but we seem to have the same perspectives and goals about faith and 'christianity'. I put that in quotes because of a complication. In any country, even in the US, there is a cultural religion/club that builds up around the faith of christianity that really has nothing to do with the faith and more to do with the culture it resides in. For instance, the Bible Belt in the US or Catholicism in Spain. It makes it dificult to have a conversation when you use words that mean different things to diffeent people. As americans living in Spain for the purpse of studying it's culture and perspectives, it becomes important to see the American religious culture for what it is in order to observe the Spanish culture for what it is.

Intro to Santiago, España

2004-09-25T23:50:00.000+02:00

So this is Spain, Gallego style. Here's some stuff in town, and pics of the team members.

This is a some what less traditional perspective on the Saint James cathedral, or el catedral de Santiago.

Monastary across the street from Caleb and Lindsey's apartment.

Typical Spanish apartment high rise.

Santiago is in the northwest region of Spain called Galicia which is actually celtic in origin. It´s kind of weird to be speaking spanish and have culturally celtic stuff all around you. Hence, the hammered dulcimer and bagpipes.

Here is the whole team:

Caleb.

Lindsey.

Shanna.

Stephanie.

Bart (me).

Intro aside now, actual cool pics to come.

2004-09-15T00:06:00.000+02:00

The new system doesn't work so well. It's great if i only want to post 1 or 2 pictures, but I'll have to find something else for larger volume posts. I'll probably end up just making a gallery of the Soren Larsen pictures and putting a link on the blog page.

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