Blessings

Blessings, originally uploaded by bartemeo-negro.

I’d been listening for weeks about the disaster that Katrina left behind. It wasn’t that I was tired of hearing about it. I was tired of being impudent. You feel pretty ashamed when you sit down in front of the TV with your Chinese take-out food and it’s nothing but news clips of desperate people without homes scavenging for food or dead bodies floating by. I came home and my house was there. I had food. I even had a TV.

When Ron announced that there was a team going back to Mississippi, well I didn’t really have to choose. I was going. I had the means, the time, and maybe… the heart. Somewhere in the back of my mind I wondered, “Am I really doing this just to assuage that guilty feeling I have?”
I was slightly nervous about the week. Long trips with large groups, especially in close quarters, are difficult for me. I love people, but I get tired. Honestly, I seem to care less when I’m tired. Sometimes I worry if those are my true colors.
We tried to prepare as best we could, knowing that we’d probably bring mostly things we wouldn’t need, but we had to trust Jesus there. He would use us as He saw fit regardless of whatever trinkets we brought with us. We hit the road just about dawn on Thursday. I’d seen all the images of the search and rescue teams and secretly hoped we would do something as exciting as that. Really, that was silly. Weeks had passed and that phase was over. But I didn’t want to be just another “church group” who shows up thinking they’ll save the day and end up just taking a bunch of pictures of other people’s misery. Again I had to question myself. “Am I really just here for the adventure?”
The ride up was actually fun. Most of the other men were strangers to me, but there was a warmth and honesty between us as we talked away the long drive to Mississippi and we became friends. That was my first encouragement, my first peek at the big picture. These men were ready. Not because they were strong or experienced, but because Christ had set them aside for this purpose and they were readied with the Spirit of God.
The three days we spent cleaning out debris and cutting our way through fallen trees to get access to ruined houses was demanding. It was tiring. It seemed so inconsequential compared to the magnitude of the destruction that we couldn’t look away from because it was everywhere we looked. But I was encouraged even to the end of the day because I saw the conviction of the Spirit in every other man. I was beginning to see the bigger picture.
Mike and Wes told us on the last day about how Mike’s parents had decided to reconsider Christ in their lives after experiencing such devastation and having seen this group of men who love Jesus come and live in their home for three days. We heard about how others we had helped were grateful, amazed, and perplexed. I was elated. But I had to question myself again. “Did I come here just to win a medal for being a good Christian?” And then I saw the big picture… and we weren’t even in it.
The big picture was what God was doing. Just as I had known before that God would use the team regardless of what equipment we brought, I realized that the same was true regardless of our shortcomings and questionable motives. Regardless of us, His grace was sufficient. For me. For the team. For Mississippi. He uses men who, deep down inside, aren’t even really all that good. His grace was sufficient and the glory was all His. He was making that glory and he wanted me to see it, to be changed by it.
I thought about all of the reasons I might have come for, and I decided on this one. Christ is touching lives on the Gulf Coast of America. I had to be there to see it.
If you hear about our trip, I hope you don’t even remember who was on it. I hope you see what God did and is doing. I know you’ve heard about how the power of a hurricane can change lives forever. I hope you hear about how the power of Christ changes lives for eternity.

Delivery for a Mr. Mississippi?

Ocean View, Mississippi

I'm heading out to Mississipi this weekend to help deliver some generators and supplies with a bunch of guys from my church. I'm not really sure what to expect, but I found some high resolution imagery of the area post-Katrina at the link above. The damage is impressive. The HWY 90 bridge between Biloxi and Ocean View is completely gone.

Further On

Further On


and when the day was done
he spoke softly
his words filling the space before him
shutting out the noise
the useless things
all those who sought to rob him of time and life.

his words shut out the world and all of its confusion
as one closes one's eyes to pray.




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Lindsey called me today from work. Her boss, Melanie, committed suicide yesterday. They told her when she got to work. She'd been all excited about getting her tickets to see the Dalai Lama speak and wanted to know if Melanie had gotten hers. Instead, she had to answer phone calls at the desk all day and inform those who called to speak to Melanie that they wouldn't be able to.

I cancelled my plans for the evening and spent it with her instead. We talked a lot about her boss, whom I had met, and their relationship. It leaves you with an empty feeling when some one makes a choice like that. There's a hole left behind by a living, breathing person you know that won't be there tomorrow, and everything feels out of rhythm.

I have to wonder at the hopelessness a person feels at such a point because it's something that I cannot imagine. All I've every known is that presence that I cannot explain and it has brought with it hope that does not fade. It's not something that was really explained to me on charts and graphs or something, it just always was. How do you communicate to a human something that wasn't communicated to you by a human? It's all a mystery so confounding to me and yet I feel as if we might have failed Melanie in that way. She never saw the mystery in it all. Forgive us Melanie.